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Angela Sun - My Blog
Angela Sun - My Blog


Body Language
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I know I haven't blogged in a while...I swear there have been at least 10 occasions where I meant to but I've been lazy. Since I found that I have a block of time right now, I've decided to finally post an entry. I have about 3 hours before my interview (for what could possibly by my first job ever!) and I hope that I do not have to cut this too short to go to the bathroom. :)

Ok, I decided to erase the whole discussion on religion that I was typing - not to worry, I will write about that soon but I've been just thinking about a topic that I think I need to address. So, a couple weeks ago, a respected friend of mine recently made a comment about how if I wanted a guy to pay attention to me I could possibly entertain the idea of losing a few pounds. This was over the phone so she could not see my mouth drop at her statement. I mean, this wasn't just some mere high school antagonist, this was a senior, respected friend, who was even a pro-choice lobbyist in her day. She would've been the last person that I'd expect to say such a thing. Now, mind you, she did not say it in a malicious manner - in fact, I'm pretty sure that she thought what she was saying was for my own good...but that doesn't make it any was shocking and hurtful.

Now the reason why I was thinking of this incident again (actually, for the tenth time) was because I went to the doctor today and I was informed by the doctor that I was overweight (thankfully not obese). I wasn't surprised by the news - I had never been skinny and with the lack of athletic activity after the collapse of the cheerleading team, I knew I had gained weight. The doctor is going to refer me to a nutritionist - because I have horrible eating habits (I practically starve myself on weekdays and I binge a lot on the weekends) and don't exercise - and I also had to get a blood test because this could also indicate a hormonal imbalance.

I have to admit that a part of me wished it was just a hormonal imbalance. I feel terrible for wanting it to be an internal (and possibly dangerous) problem than just diet & exercise. Having hormonal problems would be way worse health-wise than the need to change my lifestyle. I guess a part of me doesn't want it to be my fault - even though, deep down inside I know it is. I also don't want to put in the effort that I need in order for me to improve my health. My mother has already stressed the "health first" rule but I'm too much of a sloth to implement change. I think I need to shake off this self-induced lethargy and do something good for my health.

But there is another side to the story - the all important internal side: the emotions. Sometimes I feel like losing weight will give too much satisfaction to the people who call me "fat" or
"ugly" or erroneously claim that I eat too much or even people who nag me on and on about my weight. I don't want them to think it's because of them. I don't want them to believe that all their nagging or teasing got to me (even though, they probably did). I don't want to hear any "I told you so"s. If I do lose weight, then I want people to see it as all my own doing. Unfortunately, that may not be the case and I shouldn't even care about what people may think, but it's too late for that. I've lived in society for too long. On the other hand, if I lose weight - I might feel more confident about my body and fit into my clothes better. One must make the aesthetically pleasing argument. It will be hard work but I'll feel healthier and as hard as it is to believe, I actually enjoy being active - I just don't create enough opportunities for myself to do so. Maybe the doctor's diagnosis can be a good thing - I will now be motivated by health to change things for the better.

Sometimes I wish that "losing weight" would not have such a negative connotation. I wish that everyone would be like my doctor and just state things in a medically neutral, concerned manner. I wish that the pressure was lessened. That instead of focusing on whether someone looked good or not, it focused on their health. That being attractive was not associated with someone's body at all. That people weren't so mean or critical of one another. That parents wouldn't mask concerns about how their child's looks reflected on them with supposed concern for their child's health. That caring would always go hand in hand with sensitivity.

Unfortunately, to have a world like that would require the existence of humans without human nature.

July 21, 2008 | 11:15 AM Comments  0 comments

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Who Cares?
Translations available in: English (original) | French | Spanish | Italian | German | Portuguese | Swedish | Russian | Dutch | Arabic

I'm only writing this entry to avoid doing homework. I had previously wanted my first blog to be a special one, one filled with profoundness of thought but I just can't resist filling empty spaces. Even if this entry feels premature. Anyways, I have no purpose to write this blog except to kill time so I suppose I shall just do what I do best - rant on about nothing. Well, perhaps it is not just "nothing." The simple act of me typing these words out makes it something. Even if what I type is nonsense, it still exists. It can still be seen and access by anyone with a computer screen. But what if I just think this? Do I have to physically put it on paper or screen for it to truly exist? Or does me thinking it gives it existence? It may not surprise you that I have no answers to this. I merely pose questions, overly inflated with useless vocabulary. And if you ask me if I have any thoughts on this...well, I might but I feel too lethargic to contemplate and debate philosophy. In fact, I even had philosophy class today, and believe me, that was enough. The class is kind of boring in fact, but don't tell my teacher that. It's not really her fault. I'm just tired of reading about other philosophers and their complex queries on life. I can't help but admit to being apathetic right now...I mean, WHO CARES? My brain tells me that these questions are important because they ponder the very essence of human nature, and as a result, who I am. However, my drooping eyes tell me that I can't really make myself care. Btw, usually the eyes win. That's why I lose so many "precious" homework hours to napping. But it's not like I would've done my homework in those hours anyways.

I feel like its time for a new paragraph. Now I was planning on going on about how I work best under pressure but I've tried to impress others with it so many times that I find talking about those things kind of superficial. God, I hate that word. My dad used it in the most inaccurate way to describe me when I was in Gr. 8. He got pissed just because I got a low mark (generally an 80 or a B). [ I'm rolling my eyes as I write this.] I don't think getting a low mark qualifies being labeled "superficial." In fact, he'd be the superficial one who only assessed the value of his daughter based on her academic grades. Anyways, maybe I misinterpreted...he did say something about how all I cared about was having friends...but c'mon, I was in JUNIOR HIGH for godsakes! That's all anyone really cared about in those days! That was the beginning of teenage drama as we know it.

Well...I really must be getting on with my work...'till next time!

May 6, 2008 | 9:46 PM Comments  1 comments

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